What Are We Supposed to Do With All This?
When Emotions Run High
Far too many people are now in a position where they cannot be detached from the feelings triggered by disasters and other upheavals. It is, of course, easier when it’s happening in another corner of the world, or when it’s happening to someone else. These days it seems to be happening to everyone, Ice and cold, raging fire, war and terrorism, wind and flooding.
What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to react? How much can we take?
I honestly don’t have any complete answers. But I do have some ideas that have helped me.
I have lived in some of the most dangerous fire zones in Los Angeles. Back in the day, we laughed at the flames. There was a sense of pride at living in a rustic area where we were exposed to the danger and braved it out anyway. Those days are gone. Not just for me. The danger level has reached new heights. I have a lot of thoughts about why this is the case, but those are for another time.
First, we have to figure out how to cope mentally and emotionally with the sense of loss and the fear of not being in control.
Blame and Anger
It is very tempting when we feel upset to lash out and try to find the responsible party and make…them…pay! I watched on YouTube a woman taking her frustration out on a public official. Yelling at him. Shouting out questions and demands. Although this kind of reaction may feel good for a minute to a frightened and frustrated childlike part of ourselves, it’s not particularly useful. It takes a person more mature than most of us to stand in the face of hurling anger and not get reactive themselves. We are then dealing with two people in survival mode.
All this reactivity shuts down any meaningful communication or connection. And communication and connection are among the things we need most when we are upset.
Trying to find the one to blame for our circumstances is not the best use of our energy. Placing blame is a distraction from the deeper feelings that really need to be processed. The loss, the frustration, the powerlessness, the grief, the regret, and the sadness all clamor for our attention when our world seems to have flipped upside down. And they need our attention. Blaming someone else or even blaming ourselves takes us in an ineffective direction.
Anger provides a similar distraction. It has been said that anger is a secondary emotion. It covers over the deeper, more painful feelings, and directs the energy outward instead of allowing us to settle inward to the emotions running beneath the surface.
We can never inflict enough pain with our anger, blame, retribution, or even justice to process our own deep emotions. We can never experience deep healing of our own pain when our focus is outward. When we think that we are soothing our inner anguish by making someone else pay for it, it’s like trying to apply a Band-Aid to a cut on our arm by sticking it to the reflection of our arm we see in the mirror.
Finding blame and being angry are particularly useless in a natural disaster. There is no one to blame.
So what can we do? How can we react?
Try not to be afraid of the feelings themselves. Yes, our emotions can be intense, especially if our loss is great or if we have stored—and not fully processed—our emotions for a long time. Emotions are energy in motion. This energy will not kill us. Like all energy, emotions come in waves. If your emotions frighten you, be sure to get qualified help in dealing with them.
If you are distraught, there is help available. Call the national crisis hotline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or 988
Effectively processing emotions means allowing the waves to flow completely through our bodies, minds, and spirits. Over time, waves of grief or loss get smaller and less all-consuming. This frees up our attention and energy to move forward.
Most of us were not taught to effectively process our feelings. We were taught to minimize our experience, cover up or deny our feelings, get over it, or punch outward in anger or blame. Sometimes it takes a very intense upheaval in our lives to give us permission to just feel without judging ourselves. It is sometimes only when words fail us that we can be with our feelings fully.
We’ve been taught ways to escape feeling our deepest emotions. One way we escape is to focus outwardly (blame and anger). Another is to attach the current feeling with a historical story about our past or a limiting story about ourselves. Here I am again, abandoned and alone. Life is so unfair to me. I can’t do anything right. I just can’t catch a break. These thoughts take us out of the present moment and the emotions that are trying to flow through right now.
If we do not process our emotions effectively, we store the energy of them in our energy fields. It takes a huge amount of energy to store these emotions, depleting us and aging us.
If at all possible, try to feel your emotions without adding any words to them. Where do you feel it in your body? Can you feel the wave action as the feeling ebbs and flows? Try to step back and observe the feelings as they flow. Let your mind be quiet as you feel. Be as aware as possible of what is happening in this process. Let the feeling go when the wave is complete. Again, if your emotional energy seems too intense, get qualified help to guide you.
Don’t judge yourself for your process. Sometimes so-called *silly* things can bring on a wave of sadness. Let this happen. Feel the energy of the emotion peak and subside, like an ocean wave.
There is no need to rush any of this. If you have lived through a natural disaster your entire energy system has been thrown into imbalance. It takes time to regain our sense of confidence and wholeness.
Take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to ask for help. People who are not directly involved are eager to help. They just need to be asked.
I got to participate this morning in a gathering called a Soul Circle. It was set up to be a place where anyone could share what was on their heart. We were not to give advice, not to comment on anyone else’s sharing, and to make the assumption that each of us has all the inner resource we need to deal with our own life experiences. Some people shared about challenges they were facing. Some shared their gratitude. Some spoke of intentions they are holding for the upcoming year.
Most of the sharing was deeply emotional. Our job was to sit and quietly witness the person’s emotional process without inserting any of our own thoughts or feelings into their space.
This seems like the most effective way to support ourselves and others who are experiencing turmoil. Let’s all give ourselves and our loved ones the space to process the newness and uncertainty we face. Together.
*Regarding the Los Angeles fires, the pivotal moment for me, the moment I was brought to tears, was when I saw on my Watch Duty app that World Central Kitchen had set up locations close to the Eaton Fire that some of my family had fled and from which some of my friends had sustained heartbreaking losses. You can donate to World Central Kitchen here. https://donate.wck.org/give/499865/#!/donation/checkout?c_src=navbar