In 2025, Love Yourself More

Here's how...

Loving yourself more does not mean becoming narcissistic or self-centered. It means learning to accept yourself as you are. Loving yourself is not the same as approving of yourself. In fact, those moments in which you feel ashamed or discouraged offer profoundly meaningful opportunities to love yourself deeply—despite your self-judgment.

Loving yourself through your judgments and shame allows Light to penetrate into areas of your consciousness that have been in shadow. These shadows cannot hold themselves together in the presence of Light, in the presence of love.

Love yourself the way your dog loves you. Your furry buddy doesn’t care if you said the wrong words, thought the wrong thoughts, or behaved badly. He or she just loves you anyway.

In our society, adults try to control children by either frightening them or by trying to make them feel ashamed. Typically, children internalize this process and begin to punish themselves—usually with intensely negative self-talk, but sometimes also with self-defeating behavior--when they think they are not measuring up to some standard.

You don’t have to believe what your parents and teachers said about you. You don’t have to treat yourself the way they used to try to control you.

You can love yourself. You can be kind to yourself. You can accept yourself fully with all your warts and funny peculiarities.

Each Inner Operating System has its own perspective on how it feels loved.

The Survival Operating System feels loved when it feels indulged. Sweets, treats, physical affection, pampering at the spa all feel like love to this part of ourselves. Indulgence can go too far and then it turns into a kind of backdoor punishment as the consequences of over-indulgence crash in. We can be kind and understanding to this part of ourselves without giving in completely.

The Survival OS also feels loved when it is allowed to tantrum. But like over-indulging in treats can have ramifications, so can over-indulgence in emotional drama and the fight/flight language and behavior that often accompany the emotional drama. We can learn effective communication skills that will allow this part of us to speak and express its needs and opinions without causing collateral damage. Our inner child aspects will come to trust us to take care of their needs in peaceful yet proactive ways as we learn to use effective communication skills.

A surefire way to love the Survival OS, without negative pushback is to take it out into nature. Let it play under the trees or splash in the creek. Breathe deeply and feel the sun on your face. This most basic part of your consciousness will feel loved and cared for as you bring it out into the wild.

The Success Operating System feels loved when it is acknowledged for its productivity and value. It appreciates rewards, like the Survival OS, but only reasonable ones that accord with its values. You can’t effectively show appreciation and lovingkindness to this part of yourself with sweets or spa days. It needs a display of the list with the items all crossed off, or a public celebration with colleagues.

The Success OS feels proud when it accomplishes goals, checks things off a list, or solves problems. But it also appreciates reassurance when it falls short of its ideals. With effective communication skills, this part of your consciousness can learn to ask assertively and politely for the recognition it feels it deserves.

The Success OS can be a harsh judge and an unreasonable taskmaster. It is important to gently help it learn to accept its limits. When it feels inadequate or guilty, this is a time to stop and acknowledge how strong it is, but also gently educate it about the value of rest and play. This is self-love.

Neither the Survival OS nor the Success OS have effective “off” switches. We can love ourselves more fully if we understand this and bring a more mature wisdom to bear when the indulgence of the Survival OS or the unreasonable expectations of the Success OS bring about an imbalance.

The Fulfillment Operating System is the part of each of us that knows it is made of love. It is the part that stands by ready to love every cell in our bodies, every thought in our minds, as soon as we stop struggling and allow it to reach them. It feels loved when it is given the space to love.

Take that in. The highest form of self-love is allowing the Fulfillment OS to reach into the darker corners of our psyches and shine its light. The warm glow of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness is the feeling of the Fulfillment OS stretching itself into the corners of our being.

Why bother?

Well, as you love yourself more deeply, you will enjoy your life more. When you recognize all the various needs of the multiple parts of your consciousness, learn to meet those needs, and appreciate the strengths and struggles of your operating systems, you’ll enjoy yourself in ways that will surprise you. You will feel supported by yourself. You will find yourself being more accepting and loving towards everyone and everything in your life too.

But also, your deeper love and acceptance of yourself changes the world around you. People don’t feel moved to be upsetting or violent to those who love themselves deeply. Everyone respects the love we feel for ourselves. So, this can be your contribution to world peace. You can help usher in a new age of more gentleness, understanding, and kindness.

Only good can come of an intention to love yourself more in 2025.