How Gratitude Works to Change Everything

You’re probably familiar with the idea of a gratitude practice. Maybe you keep a gratitude journal or try to remember to feel gratitude for something before you go to sleep or when you wake up.

The Heart Math Institute and other researchers have studied the effects of feeling gratitude. They report that gratitude opens the door to the healing state of brainwave/heart coherence. The feeling of gratitude changes our physiology, calming the sympathetic nervous system. This balanced state improves our digestion and hormonal balance as well as brightening our mood.

And we all know how to enter into that state. It simply requires bringing something we feel grateful for to the front of our minds and attention. It could be a fond memory, an object, or a person we feel grateful for. Once we focus our attention on the feeling of being grateful, all the healthful benefits kick in.

In my book, Being Truly Happy, Seven Secrets of Truly Happy People, I included a powerful exercise that helps us recognize our power to choose our emotions. I called it “Switch on Happiness.” The same could be done with gratitude. To Switch on Gratitude, one simply has to feel grateful. Right now. For anything. For the eyes that read this message. For the breath going in and out of our bodies. For the place we are sitting.

It is too much to ask—at least at first—to try to find a feeling of gratitude for things that displease or distress us, though that can come with time and practice. It is enough to feel grateful for anything, however small or seemingly insignificant.

But how does this work?

Also in Being Truly Happy, I suggest an exercise that can demonstrate how gratitude opens the door for all its benefits. To prepare, grab some paper and something to write with. Now write a few words about a situation or condition in your life that you feel stressed or unhappy about. Next, write a few words about something you feel grateful for. It is important not to skip this step and think you can just hold these ideas in your mind. If you do the exercise to the fullest extent possible, you will see that you cannot remember the things you have chosen when it comes time to do so. Your full attention will be directed elsewhere.

Now, get comfortable and focus for a few minutes on your breath or on the present experience throughout your body. You are not exactly meditating, but setting your body/mind system in a neutral place by focusing your attention on the present moment.

Next, bring to the forefront of your mind, the distressing experience. If you can’t recall what you jotted down, look at your notes. As you think about this condition, notice what happens in your body. What happens with your breathing? What about around your eyes? In your shoulders? Feet and ankles? Notice that in these moments, the story of this distressing condition runs on repeat through your mind. What else is happening in your mind? Are you judging someone or something? Yourself? How do you feel emotionally?

Pay close attention. Your entire system is reacting to the stress or displeasure of this experience.

Allow a deep breath. Now imagine taking the story of this distress and closing it up in a container. Put the container on a shelf somewhere. Breathe steadily until you can disconnect from all the trailing thoughts about your distress.

Allow another breath. Then bring your gratitude to the forefront of your mind. Look at your notes if you need to. What is this condition or thing you feel grateful for? How does this gratitude feel in your body? What happens in your heart? Your shoulders? In your throat? What emotions ignite around this feeling of gratitude? Love? Happiness? And what kinds of thoughts pass through your mind as you focus your attention on feeling grateful?

In workshops, I generally lead people back and forth several times so that the physiological and psychological differences between distress and gratitude (happiness) are clear as a bell.

Most people report feeling tense and closed down when they are focusing on distress. The shoulders tighten and hunch forward. The heart closes down. The eyebrows furrow. The lips purse. Almost everyone has a place in their body that chronically holds tension. These areas tend to get activated and uncomfortable when thinking about the story of distress.

On the other hand, most people report feeling a sense of opening and lightness when they focus their attention on something for which they feel grateful. The area around the heart and the back of the neck relax. The jaw loosens. Emotions tend to be lighter, more optimistic or hopeful. The mind feels clearer.

All of these physiologic and psychological conditions indicate what is happening in the energy systems of the body: the acupuncture meridians, the chakras, the radiant circuits, and the aura generally.

When practicing gratitude, energy flows through all the systems more freely and fully. Free flow of energy feels good and supports the healthful harmony of the body’s, circulation and digestion, and balance in the hormonal and neurological systems. This leads to the state that Heart Math calls coherence. And the steady practice of finding gratitude leads to a general sense of empowerment and well-being, which can ultimately influence the world around us.

Although many of us believe we are effective multi-taskers, full focus applies all of our attention in one direction. We cannot focus on a condition for which we feel grateful and at the same time focus on something distressing. If we think we are doing that, we are probably switching back and forth.

It’s true that our minds tend to be so scattered that it can be difficult to focus on one thing. This is a skill worth developing, especially in light of the benefits of being able to apply our attention strategically on the parts of our lives that feel positive.

Sometimes it is our bodies that tell us that we have sunken into focusing on distressing conditions. Maybe we first notice undue tension in our neck or eyes. Sometimes it is our emotional nature that alerts us. We notice that we are feeling anxious or sad, indicating that we are applying our attention to something distressing. Sometimes it is our thought process that keys us in. We begin thinking repetitive thoughts or we notice that our inner dialog is disempowering or judgmental.

However we become aware of a downward spiral, we can use this exercise to elevate our mood, free up our energy, and reap the healthful benefits of gratitude.